Five Times Casey Gets Annoyed
by sinemoras09
Summary: Casey is irritated at EVERYBODY. lol. Gen. Crack. Mild spoilers for the season 2 finale.


.

.

**01. Devon Woodcombe**

.

"Hey John. You busy?"

Casey raises his head and sees Captain Idiot had somehow entered his apartment. _Again_.

If there's one good thing about having their cover blown, it's that Casey can drop the whole friendly-neighbor crap. "How the hell did you get in here?" Casey says.

Devon jingles his keys. "Still got 'em," Devon says. "Yo, heads up."

Devon tosses the keys, but Casey's not ready. He turns and they smack him on the side of his head.

"Oh...oops," Devon says. "Sorry, John."

Casey growls.

"Casey, Casey! I think I flashed on something, I--" Chuck skids behind Devon, nearly knocking him over. "Oh, hey Devon," Chuck says.

"Great, now I have _two_ morons in my apartment," Casey says. "What do you want?"

"I flashed," Chuck says. "There's a bad guy down the street. I think he's planning something bad."

Casey grabs Chuck by the arm. "Idiot! What did I tell you about talking in front of the civilian," Casey says.

"Hey!" Devon says.

"Sorry, Casey, um." Chuck licks his lips. "About the bad guy...."

Casey growls.

"Okay, then," Chuck says.

Idiots. They really don't pay him enough for this.

.

**02. Sarah Walker**

They're making cow eyes at each other again. Jesus.

Casey's driving, but Walker and The Moron are both in the back seat. Bartowski is babbling about his feelings and Walker's being all comforting and maternal and they're both just...ugh, _staring_ at each other, like they're gonna make out with Casey in the front.

It's just rude, really. Casey's a highly skilled NSA agent. Casey is _not_ a goddamn cab driver.

"What you did today was really brave, Chuck," Walker says. "Not everyone can do what you do. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

Casey grunts. "I'm still here, you know," Casey says.

They startle, shoved out of their private moment. "What?" Walker says.

"I said, I'm still here, I can hear everything you're saying," Casey says.

"...oh. Of course." Walker flushes, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. They look so goddamn _sheepish_, like a couple of teenagers caught sucking face in the closet. "Sorry, Casey," Walker says. "It won't happen again."

Yeah, right. Casey grunts and stares out into the road. He is _sick_ of being the third wheel. Team Bartowski's fat kid, tagging along while the cool kids ignore him and share inside jokes with each other.

"Casey? You okay?" Now Walker's turning her maternal instincts toward him. Great. Just what he needs. "Casey. What's wrong?"

What's wrong is Casey's driving the goddamn car. He's driving the goddamn car even though he has a couple of bruised ribs and a black eye and moron over there only has a papercut.

Casey grunts. "It's fine," Casey says. "I'm just tired."

Walker is silent, and so is Bartowski. Good. That's the way it should be.

Casey shifts gears and drives faster.

.

**03. The Buy More**

Casey is securing the Buy More perimeter when he sees Lester and Jeffrey giggling over a laptop monitor. Casey steps closer and they snap their heads up, like lemmings startled by a hungry cat. "Oh shit! Close it! Close it!" They try to close the windows but Casey is faster.

It's a dating profile. A dating profile for John Casey. Somehow they photoshopped a picture of his head superimposed over an underwear model's body.

"What is this?" Casey says. He grabs Lester by the collar. "Whose idea was this? _Who_?"

"It was Chuck's, it was Chuck's, it wasn't me, oh my god don't kill me--"

Casey drops Lester, who falls in a pile on the floor. He looks up and sees Chuck walking toward the DVD display.

"You!" Casey grabs Chuck by the neck and shoves him against the wall. "You think this is funny? You think this is some sort of _joke_?"

"Casey! Casey!" Chuck wheezes. "Can't...breathe..."

Casey lets him go. Chuck clutches his neck. "What did I do? Why did you attack me?"

"You set up a _dating_ profile," Casey says.

"What? No, I don't know what you're talking about...." Chuck's wide-eyed and breathing hard, and Casey knows he's telling the truth. "Casey, Casey, what's going on?"

Behind them, Lester and Jeffrey are laughing and high-fiving by the Nerd Herd stand. He later finds out that his lack of dating life is the source of _a lot_ of jokes and high-fives among the nerd-herding staff. ("I may live with my mom, but at least I'm not like John," Jeffrey said, once. "That guy's seriously screwed up.")

Casey growls. "Forget it, Bartowski," Casey says.

Morons. All of them. Casey needs another Tylenol.

.

**04. Chuck and Morgan**

Casey puts on his headphones and watches the monitor. Chuck and Morgan are sitting on Chuck's bed; they're discussing the finer points of _Shadow of the Colossus_. "Dude you hear they're making a movie, right?" Chuck says.

"Pfft, yeah, but it's by the dude who wrote Street Fighter. I'm still probably gonna go see it, though," Morgan says.

Every night for the past two years, Casey has dutifully made note in his journal the content and context of the asset's conversations: computers, hot girls who date ugly dudes, computer games, something called "cosplay" (which Casey later comes to understand involves dressing up like your favorite anime character and squealing in line at various conventions), Anna Wu, Morgan asking for sex advice (in Bartowski's words, Casey needed a major can of brain bleach after that one), how hot Sarah is, how lucky Chuck is dating her, and occasionally shop talk about the Buy More.

Casey knows seven languages and is familiar with about a dozen more; he's eavesdropped on diplomats, terrorist cells and high-ranking officials. That his talents are now being wasted on the finer points of gameplay still continues to irk him.

Casey pours himself a shot. He tosses it back, and sets down the shot glass. He moves--a bit too quickly--and knocks over the bottle of Jack Daniels all over his computer.

"Shit!" Casey jumps up. His equipment fritzes. The monitor blinks out and everything goes black. "Dammit," Casey says. He grabs a wet rag and starts mopping up the mess.

"....dude I could use a sandwich. What about you, Chuck?" Morgan's disembodied voice floats out of Casey's headphones.

Of course the audio surveillance would still be intact. Of _course_.

.

**05. Ellie Bartowski**

Casey is icing his ribs when there's a knock at his door. It's Ellie. Casey opens the door. "Hey John," Ellie says.

"Hi," Casey says. He's confused; it's nearly midnight, much too late to be invited for dinner.

"Sorry, I know it's late," Ellie says. "I'm just coming off from working a bunch of night shifts, so my internal clock's kind of screwed up. Um..." Ellie licks her lips. Casey watches, warily. "I was wondering," Ellie says. "Are you busy Thursday night?"

"Depends," Casey says. "What is it?"

"Well..." Ellie hesitates. "I have a friend of mine, she works with me in the ER. Her name's Susan, she's a really sweet girl and I was thinking, if you weren't busy, maybe the four of us could go out to dinner sometime? Me and Devon and Susan, I mean? Thursday is what we were thinking, but we could move it to a different day, if you're interested."

"You're setting me up on a blind date?" Casey stares. Great. That's the _last_ thing he needs: Captain Moron and Bartowski's sister getting into his personal life. Ellie seems to sense his irritation, but she pushes forward, anyway.

"Well, it wouldn't be a blind date, really," Ellie says. "Devon and I are going to be there, and I was just thinking, you're such a nice guy, and you're always home alone...."

So they feel _sorry_ for him! Casey seethes. Like he's some sort of Mr. Lonely-hearts pining away at home.

"Thanks, but no," Casey says. He starts to shut the door.

"John, wait!" Ellie stops the door from closing. "Look, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, or for you to be offended, but we've started to feel like you're family, you know? And we worry about you. I know it's hard getting out there, especially with your job and everything--"

"What about my job?" Casey says. The last thing Casey needs is for Caption Dumbass to spill his cover. "What have you heard?" Casey says.

"Nothing, it's just...." Ellie bites her lip. "Look I know it's not my place, but I know with Chuck working at the Buy More, his confidence wasn't all that great, but now he has Sarah and it's like he's a whole different person, and I was just thinking, if Chuck can have something like that, maybe you could, too--"

Ellie stops, mid-sentence. "Are you okay?" Ellie asks.

"I'm fine. Why?" Casey says.

"You're guarding your left side. Did you hurt yourself?" Ellie asks.

"I--" Casey pauses. He's surprised she's noticed. No one else seemed to, and it's been a couple days since he's bruised his ribs. "Accident at work," Casey says, finally. "I was loading some things, but they fell...."

"And let me guess, you didn't see a doctor," Ellie says. "You know, I wasn't going to say anything, but you seem to injure yourself _a lot_," Ellie says. "They're taking advantage of you. Just because you're one of the stronger guys there doesn't mean you have to be hefting all that stuff by yourself."

Casey watches as Ellie rummages through her purse and pulls out a prescription pad.

"Look, I normally don't do this kind of thing, but you need a stronger anti-inflammatory, otherwise those injuries won't heal." Ellie scribbles down a prescription. "You allergic to anything?"

"What? No," Casey says. "Look, I'm fine, you don't have to do this."

"No, I want to," Ellie says. She rips off the top sheet and hands it to him. "Someone's gotta take care of you, you know?"

Casey stares at her. A part of him is indignant: he can take care of himself, _obviously_, but she's looking at him like he's someone to feel sorry for, like some sort of special needs case or a moron who's just gone and bruised his ribs....

But she's the only one who noticed he still hadn't healed yet. And that counts for something, right?

Oh, hell. Blame it on the painkillers, he's not thinking straight.

"Just promise me you'll think about dinner," Ellie says. "Susan's a really sweet girl, I think you two would get along really well."

"Yeah," Casey says. "Maybe."

Ellie smiles. "Good!" Ellie says. She claps her hands. "Well, I guess I gotta get heading back."

"Yeah..."

"I'll talk to you later," Ellie says. She's already giddy about the idea of John and Susan on a blind date. She bounds out of the courtyard, a bundle of energy. "Goodnight!"

Casey grunts and closes the door.

* * *

**A/N: I got the idea of Lester and Jeffrey making a dating profile for Casey from themaskedmckay's awesome fic, Chuck versus Revenge (themaskedmckay dot livejournal dot com slash 7796 dot html). It's a hilarious fic and everybody should check it out :)  
**

**Also: I know in the show they didn't say what kind of doctor Ellie is, but she's always in scrubs, so I like to think she's an ER physician. (She's too nice to be a surgeon LOL :)**


End file.
